Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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