last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
