my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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