im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your penis caused this!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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