bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize