This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
