dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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