If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize