well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As shirtless as possible
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
