We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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