This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
