Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
