I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
