i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
