...so i touched it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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