I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
