im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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