just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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