maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
