highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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