I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
