We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
