so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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