i just had sex bonerless
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
