she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
