Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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