Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
