I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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