"it" just moved
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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