you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
