Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
