She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
