Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
