hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
