Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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