apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
