I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
