We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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