Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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