What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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