I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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