I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
