Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
