is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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