my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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