sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
