I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
