hotel room ftw
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
