Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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