I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
