Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize