saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
