I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
