forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone shit on the floor
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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