Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
