he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize