I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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