Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And then he peed in my hair
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