I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize