So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
