im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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