I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
