I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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