He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
