Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize