Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
