fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
