you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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