I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
