There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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