Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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