Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
