dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
