What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
