your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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