I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
