We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
