somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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