cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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